A THOUGHT FROM A PARENT

KINGDOM HOOPS THOUGHT OF THE WEEK:

This week I have attached a unique thought of the week coming directly from a parent within the program (I hope I have removed their name from all parts of the email if not I am really sorry but I had to share this). I thought it was a pretty powerful email to share with all of you. Over the past three weeks we have had four different kids leave the program because of the team they were selected to play on (A, B, Red, Black, White ect…). This was a thought emailed to me and I thought it may be interesting to share with all of you. No matter what your perception of the different teams may be I pray each night that you will trust that I have the best interest of your child at the forefront of my mind. This was the most powerful email I have received in five years of working with young people and parents!

Jake, As a follow up of our short conversation this evening, I just wanted to offer you and your coaching staff a word of encouragement. Would you please pass this along to all your coaches? Someone in your position is faced constantly with hard decisions that affect so many people. I want you to know that I fully trust your decision in the shaping of my son into a leader both on and off the floor. I wish I could say that I am a man of complete control and integrity, and that I always make the right decisions coupled with the right attitudes. I am not! (I know I shared some of this with you this evening, I wanted, however, to put it into words so that you could share this.) I readily admit that I fail miserably sometimes in maintaining the right attitude and surmising peoples intentions. That happened to me this weekend. Please let me share….

When I saw the posted rosters for last weekend’s tournaments at SEP, I was shocked. I could not believe that my son was not on the “A” team. I immediately started the mental checklist of who my son was better than, why they were on the “A” team, why possibly he was not, and my mind (thanks I’m sure to the encouragement of the Devil) immediately started to find all the wrong things with your decision to place him on the “ B” team. I assumed all sorts of notions. Perhaps it was that he carries a partial scholarship, perhaps it was that I didn’t know you well enough, maybe because we didn’t live in the right place, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps… The list went on and on. The longer I thought, the more furious I became. It was so obvious to me that he belonged on a team that was going to rock! I mean Rock!! (I know they are young, and we never count our chickens before they hatch, but you have to be completely retarded to not see that group of boys have incredible talent potential. J) You know, I even was so frustrated on Saturday that I walked out of the gym. It was a long ride home on Saturday! They worst part was, I began to not cheer for the boys on the other team, and that suddenly scared me. I realized that even though I was not their parent, for most of them I still had some emotional investment in them. I did want them to succeed regardless if my son was out there or not and I vowed Sunday would be different.

Sunday came and it was still difficult but I would have to say a lot better. I began to look for the positives. I thought, “Hey, I don’t know the parents of most of these kids on my son’s team.” So I sat in the stands on Sunday, and introduced myself to some of the new parents to the program. It’s amazing when you turn the focus off yourself, how you can see new benefits. We could have left after his last game, and believe me, I fought the urge to go, but, we stayed to watch the “A” team play and to cheer them on. I watched my son cheer for his team from the stands, and every now and then, I thought, “He should be out there….he should be out there.” But, I made it through.

We went home Sunday afternoon and the boys varsity coach of the school my boys attend called me and asked if I could bring the boys down for open gym. He needed someone there other than himself as to not be in violation of the IAHSAA rules regarding open gym. He asked me how the tournament went and I told him the happenings. (He happens to be a good friend) He and I sat and talked a lot and he told me that he is probably getting to play a lot and is going to learn good lessons from it. We watched to boys shoot and dribble for a while and he said he could not wait to see my son in three years. At the end of our conversation, he grinned at me and said, “I know you are a lot bigger than I am, but I’ll tell you right now, if your son someday becomes a prospect, and you pull him out of here, and I never get to put that boy on the floor, you and I are going to go round. I’m going to hunt you down!” I laughed….hard, and it felt good. .

Sunday night at small groups for church, we talked about the reason Paul was writing to Timothy. You know, nothing to do with forgiveness, grace, or anything of the sort, but all of a sudden it struck me. Why was I not using the same logic in application to this situation? Why was it so simple in Bible study to use logic and reason, but not in everyday life? I decided to remove my emotional ties with my son, and look from the heart of a teacher, the heart of a coach, the heart of a brother in Christ.

First some background. I come from three years of coaching at the high school varsity level, and I spent three years as an athletic director. I now am a basketball official (first year), so I have some experience with unhappy parents. (You see, my unhappiness was justified, it’s always everyone else’s that’s not.J) I have made some decisions like that, cut kids from rosters, and benched athletes whose parents were sure their kid was the next Jordan. So I decided to start from a different premise. A premise that I tried to have when I coached and when I was an athletic director. What if you really did have my son’s best interest in mind? What if your decision to place him on the “B” team really was because you wanted him to develop a skill set other than the one he would learn on a team dominated by guards? What if…..and then I realized that I owed you an apology, and you didn’t even know it!!

I began to see that he played way more minutes than anyone else did on the team. (both “A” and “B”) He played a spot that he typically would not; he started to learn a guard skill set; he started to learn how to finish, how to work harder than ever before, how to be the leader that he otherwise would never get the chance to be, how to adjust, how to carry, how to encourage, how to work smarter, how to……and then I saw the list of positives far outweighed the negatives.

It was humorous to me that this evening when I talked to you. Before I even said why I thought it was a good idea that he was on the “B” team, how you said the exact same things that I finally had decided to go with. The skills, the leadership, the learning, the BIG picture. So this is my official request, that you keep my son on the “B” team. I think maybe there will be a time where (because he may be frustrated, to reward him, but please understand that I leave that decision up to you) he plays on the “A” team, (not permanently) but I would request that you continue to keep him on the “B” and force him to learn, to lead, to grow, to develop, to become what I only pray that I would someday be…….a complete man. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

You know, I talk to my son a lot about his athletic gift. I tell him all the time that God has a big plan for him, and with great blessings, come great responsibilities. I don’t know what it is, and perhaps basketball has nothing to do with it. I would like to think that God would put him in a place to be able to reach many people for Christ……Hmmmmm, perhaps like one of his teachers, Jake Sullivan.

Thank you for being approachable, for being easy to talk to, and for teaching my son about being a man.